I Must Have Been Blind Not To Realize What Was Happening!
All These Years Is One Book That I Shall Reread For Its Life Lessons!!!
I completed your book a few weeks ago and really should have written to you earlier. Life seems to get busier as we get older and I wanted to take time to let you know how much I appreciated your writing.
There were differences in our lifestyles with gay partners – up until the latter part of my marriage, our intimate life was good and at times, romantic, though I must admit, there were times of distance that truly puzzled me. I always blamed myself.
We moved to a larger centre, and that part of life certainly slowed down… and then ceased altogether. He was freer to pursue his gay lifestyle near the larger centre of Regina. Our move coincided with a time, when our youngest disabled son was placed in a group home, and our older children became more independent.
I must have been blind not to realize what was happening, as I look back over those years and previous times. His job meant that he did have much work to do in the evenings and at times in Regina, but it was his extreme reactions to concerns about late returns home that should have clued me into his activities. His replies were nasty and hurtful and definitely extreme. He did not want to be found out.
He’s a good dad, but I do get tired of saying that, since I did the best I could to be a good mom in extreme conditions. Parenting a severely autistic child is difficult enough, but add to that two teenagers and a cheating husband – well I’m sure you get the picture. He still doesn’t seem to recognize what he did, and I don’t thnk that he ever will. It’s his loss, because at times, he allows his antipathy to surface, and that doesn’t impress our older children.
I see less of him, but we do have to coordinate our youngest son’s life. In our late-sixties, we are getting too old to keep up constant week-end care of our son. We have agreed about that. I also realize that it will take a special man to take all of this in and still care enough about me to keep up a relationship.
I’m going to British Columbia in late September to be present at the unveiling of a memorial plaque to my parents’ volunteer work at an extend care facility. I’ll be enclosed in the warmth of my family of origin. They don’t know why I separated, but trust that I had no other choice. It’s good to feel a family connection.
I still have many friends in the gay community whom I truly respect. To my knowledge, they have never tried to offend and hurt their former partners, and many have chosen lifestyles that would avoid that completely. Your book, and their lives prove that that is possible. Perhaps some day, my spouse will realize what he has done to hurt me. Maybe he already has and that is why he is so angry.
I know your book is one that I shall reread for its life lessons!!!
Thanks again for sharing your wisdom.
Take care….B J
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